I’m sitting at the Seahorse exhibit at the aquarium. I walked around the aquarium this morning, taking everything in. After seeing each exhibit, I left to have lunch and walk around Cannery Row. Now I’m back at the aquarium and completely drawn to the seahorses. I’m sure people think I’m strange as I sit and write in front of the little screen that’s playing a short little vignette of the seahorse mating dance. But I’m used to that assessment – and usually agree. I suppose I could say that this was one of the few places I could sit comfortably for long enough to write (wooden benches are not the best choice for my back), but I know that something else has brought me back to this spot.
Each display in this section talks about the dance of the seahorse. As a dancer, it is very cool to just watch the graceful movements of the seahorse. It is calming, comfortable, recognizable, relational – all conducive to creativity and processing. When I process through things, it can bring together the two sides of myself that, at times, can (and have) seem polar opposites – the creative and the analytical sides of me. I have only recently learned that the two can coexist, and am even more recently learning how to utilize both sides. I came back here to write because writing allows me to creatively analyze what’s going on in my head.
What do I need to remember? What do I need to understand, to know? What do I need to let go of so I can fully trust – myself, God, and others?
Dance has always been a huge part of my life – of who I am. There has always been a part of me that only shows up when I dance – a vulnerability, a freedom, a knowledge/belief in who I am and that I’m ok. As I watch the seahorses dance, I know that I need to allow that part of me to show up more often – to not hide that part away. This trip has not been exactly what I expected, but I’m getting used to that. Instead of trying to stick to what I wanted or thought this trip would be, I’m going to go wherever I feel led and explore – myself and the world around me.
What would it look like to be free more than just when I am dancing? What would it look like to do what I want and/or need without taking on the expectations and judgments of others? It’s amazing how many areas of my life those questions pertain to. So as I watch the seahorses dance, I contemplate how I can ‘dance’ in my everyday life.