Shall We Dance

I’m sitting at the Seahorse exhibit at the aquarium.  I walked around the aquarium this morning, taking everything in.  After seeing each exhibit, I left to have lunch and walk around Cannery Row.  Now I’m back at the aquarium and completely drawn to the seahorses.  I’m sure people think I’m strange as I sit and write in front of the little screen that’s playing a short little vignette of the seahorse mating dance.  But I’m used to that assessment – and usually agree.  I suppose I could say that this was one of the few places I could sit comfortably for long enough to write (wooden benches are not the best choice for my back), but I know that something else has brought me back to this spot.

Each display in this section talks about the dance of the seahorse.  As a dancer, it is very cool to just watch the graceful movements of the seahorse.  It is calming, comfortable, recognizable, relational – all conducive to creativity and processing.  When I process through things, it can bring together the two sides of myself that, at times, can (and have) seem polar opposites – the creative and the analytical sides of me.  I have only recently learned that the two can coexist, and am even more recently learning how to utilize both sides.  I came back here to write because writing allows me to creatively analyze what’s going on in my head.

What do I need to remember?  What do I need to understand, to know?  What do I need to let go of so I can fully trust – myself, God, and others?

Dance has always been a huge part of my life – of who I am.  There has always been a part of me that only shows up when I dance – a vulnerability, a freedom, a knowledge/belief in who I am and that I’m ok.  As I watch the seahorses dance, I know that I need to allow that part of me to show up more often – to not hide that part away.  This trip has not been exactly what I expected, but I’m getting used to that.  Instead of trying to stick to what I wanted or thought this trip would be, I’m going to go wherever I feel led and explore – myself and the world around me.

What would it look like to be free more than just when I am dancing?  What would it look like to do what I want and/or need without taking on the expectations and judgments of others?  It’s amazing how many areas of my life those questions pertain to.  So as I watch the seahorses dance, I contemplate how I can ‘dance’ in my everyday life.

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