There are times when I hate that God created us to be in relationship, and there are times that I am so glad that He did. Over the weekend, I had some awesome conversations with some great friends. They probably don’t even know how much some of the things they said have helped me to make a decision. I love knowing what a friend really wants to say, but seeing that they refrain in order to simply offer support and encouragement. As more and more people find out about my decision, I know that I will hear some discouraging words and experience people pushing me to rethink my decision and fix the ‘mistake’ I made. So it’s been really great to know that I do have people around me who support me, even if they don’t completely understand.
All weekend, I tried to rationalize a decision to stay in my job until the end of the year. I had some great reasons that made a lot of practical sense. Unfortunately, this world’s view of practical is not always what God wants us to base our decisions on. On Sunday, I started to sense God asking me to really explore why I wanted to stay in my job until the end of the year versus what I knew He was asking – leave October 1.
On Monday morning, I was reading a blog that a friend of mine had forwarded to me. There were several places in the blog that confirmed what I had thought about on Sunday night. If I stayed in my job until the end of the year, I would be relying on my own ability to provide at least part of what I need. I would be able to save some money which would make me more comfortable with quitting my job without having something else lined up. But God doesn’t need my money. He was asking me to step out in faith, and I was trying to do that in my own way. I believe that God would have honored my decision to stay until the end of the year, but I also believe that there are some blessings that I would have missed out on. I want to see what God would do, but that meant doing something that was beyond scary, and yet also very simple. Take the step. Step into His hand and let Him do the rest.
On Monday night, I wrote my letter of resignation, and this morning, I went in to talk with my supervisor. I love my supervisor, so it was very difficult to tell her that I am leaving. She told me that she hates me, but she understands and is glad that I am doing something that will make me happier. She’s known me for almost as long as I’ve been working here, and she is fully aware that this is not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. We haven’t made a formal announcement to our team yet, and I’ve only shared the information with a few people. Everyone so far has been extremely supportive, even knowing that I don’t really have anything lined up yet. That has helped to calm some of my anxieties and confirm that I’m doing the right thing. And as anxious as I feel about what may happen, there’s not a single desire to take back my resignation.
I have no idea what’s going to happen next. I have ideas of what I’d like to see happen, and I have certain things that I don’t want to see happen, but I fully realize that I have given up control of a large portion of that, and I won’t know what will happen until it happens. But I do know someone who does know what’s going to happen. And that’s enough for now.